Lady Catherine’s Revenge

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Happy Halloween! 

Thank you to everyone for joining us for our month of mystery and haunting tales. We’ve had lots of fun and hope you have too! Our last post is not a vignette but a Halloween poem written by Jan Hahn. She wrote this several years ago and agreed to share it with us today. To quote Jan, “It is a bit of Halloween foolishness!”

 

 

Lady Catherine’s Revenge

 

‘Twas all Hallow’s Eve, all dark and all dreary,

The full moon was hidden by clouds black and eerie.

A feeling of evil pervaded the lands,

Spirits and goblins were roaming in bands.

 

This Hallow’s Eve when things were so scary,

A terror occurred; a thing downright hairy!

So, listen my children, and huddle close by,

And beware of the dark and of bats in the sky!

 

For I’ll tell you a tale of an unfortunate boy

Who will never, no never, know any more joy,

And if you are careful, you may see or hear

A glimpse of his spirit still shrouded in fear!

 

And you may hear him crying, though of course it can’t be,

“Please, oh please, won’t someone help me?”

But don’t answer his cry, whatever you do,

Or the evil that caught him might also catch you!

 

Now, Mr. George Wickham was a smart-aleck lad,

He enjoyed being hateful, and he liked being bad.

He was blessed with a face that was handsome and fair,

And all the girls thought he had beautiful hair.

 

So, this young man grew vain and full of conceit,

He thought he was cool, and he thought he was neat.

He treated girls badly and oft made them cry,

And over and over, he told lie after lie.

 

He caused the girls much, much agony,

He ought to be punished―now don’t you agree?

Well now, simmer down, be patient and wait,

For poor Wickham’s end is a hideous fate!

 

This Hallow’s Eve, a large ball was planned,

Invitations were sent throughout all the land,

Every young girl hoped that she’d have a date,

Just waiting to be asked was a panicky state!

 

Now, Miss Anne de Bourgh was a lonely young girl,

Her long hair was stringy and had nary a curl.

Her skin was all blotchy and covered with zits,

And it was rumored about that she sometimes had fits!

 

Anne de Bourgh had never been asked for a date,

With the boys in her town, she just didn’t rate.

Imagine her excitement, imagine her glee,

When Wickham asked her to the town assembly.

 

How this rake crowed when he bragged to the guys,

You could hear their snorting, their laughing and cries,

When Wickham told them the date was a joke.

A date with de Bourgh? Why, he’d rather croak!

 

The night of the party, dear Anne got all dressed

Too early, I’m sure, but she just couldn’t rest.

She peeked in the mirror once more just to see

If perhaps, somehow, she had become a beauty.

 

From the candle’s glow the light was revealing

That Anne was suddenly quite appealing,

For her spirits were soaring, her face was alight,

As she waited for George on that special night.

 

But alas and alack, the girl waited in vain,

And slowly, but surely, the news reached her brain

That her date wasn’t coming, that it wasn’t to be.

“Oh, how could George Wickham do this to me?”

 

She wailed and she moaned, and she tore at her hair,

And then with her mother her story did share.

“Oh, Mamá, Mamá, he’s making me cry.

I wish, oh, I wish that Wickham would die!”

 

Our dear Anne insisted; she wouldn’t be stilled.

She cried over and over that Wickham be killed.

Now girls, you know if you said something like this,

Your mothers would soothe you and give you a kiss.

 

But not Lady Catherine, on no, here’s the switch

For Anne de Bourgh’s mother, you see, was a witch!

She cocked up one eyebrow, a gleam in her eye,

She’d give that mean Wickham a permanent good-bye!

 

“Tell me, my darling, my lovely, my sweet,

Shall I cut off his hands or cut off his feet?

Shall I place in his bed a poisonous snake?

Or into his heart drive a great wooden stake?”

 

“Let me look in my old book of spells and just see

How to cover him in warts and red and purple acne!

I could boil him in oil, or shall I just burn his bed?”

“I don’t care,” cried Miss Anne, “I just want him dead!”

 

When the party was over, Wickham waltzed down the lane,

Pleased with himself, he was feeling no pain.

Taking a shortcut, he turned to the right

That led through the cemetery without any light.

 

He was surprised by the sudden mysterious fog

Floating from Anne’s house through the dark swampy bog.

He’d forgotten her house by the graveyard was near,

He suddenly felt shaken by a strange kind of fear.

 

Was there something behind him, or was he being silly?

And why did the air of a sudden grow chilly?

He began to run, and he began to pant,

But his hair stood on end when he heard a voice chant:

“Mr. George Wickham, can you not see

That I am coming, coming for thee?”

 

He ran faster and faster, his terror aflame,

But the voice kept on chanting and chanting his name.

“Mr. George Wickham, can you not see

That I am coming, coming for thee?”

 

He glanced o’er his shoulder just once in the dark,

An apparition in white was closing in on its mark!

It came closer and closer, the ghost wouldn’t quit,

And that’s when he fell into the great, open pit!

 

A new grave awaiting a body so dead

Became for poor Wickham his last earthly bed.

He cried as he saw the ghost laughing with glee,

“Please, oh please, won’t someone help me?”

 

Wickham’s cries were soon muffled, he soon ceased to stand,

Because of the shovel the ghost held in its hand.

People buried alive don’t oft live to tell

What it feels like to see their souls heading for…w-e-l-l―

 

Young men, may you listen and learn from this story,

I’d hate for your evening to end sad and gory.

Deceive and lie not; be honest and true,

For a witch may mother that girl beside you!

 

 

Thank you, Jan, for sharing your bit of foolishness with us! It is the perfect ending for October and our haunting tales. What did you think, Readers? What about Lady Catherine’s revenge? I believe this gives a whole new meaning to “trick or treat!”

Share your thoughts with us, and you will be entered in the giveaway. There will be a grand prize which includes one eBook along with some other treats. There will also be a couple of eBooks or audiobooks given away, winner’s choice. More details will follow in the next day or two. Remember that your comments may not show up immediately. They must be approved before they become visible. Comments are checked often and will be approved as soon as possible. If you leave a comment at each vignette, you will have more chances to win. If you missed any of the stops, they are listed in order below. Originally the giveaway was scheduled to end on Saturday, November 2nd, but it will be extended to midnight, Monday, November 4th. Winners will be announced here. Good luck to everyone.

“The Pemberley Ravens” by Kelly Miller 

“All Hallow’s Eve” by Jan Hahn

“The Masquerade Ball” by Brigid Huey

“The Haunting of Longbourn” by C. P. Odom

“Haunted Hotel” by Suzan Lauder

“Haunted Manor” by Belén Paccagnella

25 Responses

  1. Kelly Miller
    | Reply

    I loved this poem, Jan! Such fun and such a fitting, gruesome end to our favorite villain, and all at the hands of another favorite villain! A perfect poem for Halloween!

    • Meryton Press
      | Reply

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kelly! This villain got more than he bargained for this time! We always knew Lady Catherine acted like a witch, didn’t we! Who knew???

  2. Glynis
    | Reply

    Oh perfect! Just what Wickham deserved! Personally I have a morbid dread of being buried alive (since watching a film in my early teens which I think was The Fall of The House of Usher?) but I wouldn’t raise a finger to save such a despicable rogue! Poor Anne!
    I believe it’s lucky that Lady Catherine wasn’t really a witch when Darcy chose to marry Elizabeth and not Anne? 😱

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      I agree, Glynis! I’m glad Lady Cat wasn’t a witch to Darcy, although she treated Lizzy terribly. Thanks for commenting.

    • Meryton Press
      | Reply

      Wickham definitely got his “just deserts” didn’t he! That is a morbid dread and understandably so. I’m certainly glad Lady Catherine wasn’t really a witch either. Poor Darcy and Elizabeth had she been.

  3. Jan Hahn
    | Reply

    Thank you, Kelly! I’m glad you liked it. I wrote this years ago for a Halloween party my teenage daughters were attending. Originally, it was generic and had no references to Austen. When I revised it later, I realized Jane Austen created lots of bad boys, but few great mothers, perhaps because of her own conflicted relationship with her mother. I decided Lady Catherine would be the most ferocious mother if Anne was jilted, so I went a bit further and made her a witch.

  4. Rose
    | Reply

    What Fun! And I didn’t feel sorry for George one bit! Imagine standing up poor Anne!

    • Meryton Press
      | Reply

      It’s hard to feel sorry for ole George anytime!

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Thank you, Rose. I’m so glad you didn’t feel sorry for Wickham. I was afraid people would think my ending was too creepy. 😬

  5. Suzan Lauder
    | Reply

    I’m usually not one for poetry, and I definitely can’t write it, so I’m in awe of you, Jan, for doing such a great job with that fun poem! What a Halloween treat!

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Thank you, Suzan. I can’t write real poetry, but I like to play around with limericks.

  6. BelénP
    | Reply

    This was just delightful, Jan! The poem was so witty and well written. Why is that I don’t feel sorry for Wickham? I think this is one of the very few likeable lady Catherine I had ever read. What an excellent way to end this October’s vignettes!

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Thank you, Belen! I agree about Lady Catherine. At last, she did something I liked.

  7. Joan
    | Reply

    Loved it! Rhymes were really good!

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Thank you, Joan! I appreciate your comments.

  8. Amy S.
    | Reply

    I love it, Jan! Really clever stuff! The right wicked Wickham got his just desserts in the form of an involuntary dirt nap at the hands of LCdB, that witch! 😱👏🏻😌

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Thanks, Amy! I like your summary. 🤗

  9. Patty Edmisson
    | Reply

    Thank you fkr the poem. I enjoyed it. Poor Anne.

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Thank you, Patty! Yes, poor Anne is right.

  10. Ginna
    | Reply

    That was fun, Jan. Thanks! Love the Halloween story with a moral (heh, heh). Even Anne deB has feelings!

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Thanks, Ginna! Appreciate your comments.

  11. Anji
    | Reply

    Now that was so much fun! I’m a rubbish poet and find it so hard to think up rhymes, so a big well done to Jan for that, and also for reverse engineering the poem to fit in GW, Lady Cat and Anne. At the very least, GW gets his just desserts!

    P.S. I’m halfway through reading Jan’s The Secret Betrothal for the very first time and loving it!

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Oh, Anji, thank you for your comments about this Halloween silliness and for reading The Secret Betrothal. I’m so glad you’re loving the novel. It has a special place in my heart.

  12. Lúthien84
    | Reply

    It doesn’t pay to ill treat others. So glad that Wickham got a just punishment for deceiving and lying to all the girls. Thanks for sharing this poem with us, Jan.

    • Jan Hahn
      | Reply

      Thank you so much! And you’re right. People who mistreat others usually receive the same treatment.

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